♛
THE MAIN CHARACTER AWARDSpeakerphone Steve
A train carriage. Forty strangers. One deeply personal conversation about his boiler.
“CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?”
SCIENTIFICALLY UNNECESSARY
Questionable
behaviour.
Measured.
We've all been one. Some of us before breakfast.
Find out where you sit on the scale.
Zero science. Maximum self-awareness. Probably.
TWAT-O-METER MODEL: OH-DEAR-3000
SELF-AWARENESS DETECTEDLet's find out.
● SYSTEM READYCALIBRATION: DUBIOUS
100%
UNOFFICIAL
UNOFFICIAL
BAD PARKING. LOUD SPEAKERPHONE. “JUST PLAYING DEVIL'S ADVOCATE.” WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY.
01 / THE QUICK VERDICT
Adjust the
twattitude.
Tick the offences you recognise. The machine will do some completely made-up maths.
YOUR READING
0/100
A surprisingly decent egg
You return the trolley. You let people merge. Suspiciously wholesome.
Certify this nonsense →A joke about habits, not a judgement about a person.
02 / AM I A TWAT?
A very serious
personality test.
Six everyday dilemmas. No right answers.
Actually, there are definitely some wrong ones.
PEER REVIEWED**by nobody
QUESTION 01 / 06BE HONEST. ISH.
03 / THE HALL OF SHAME
The Twat Awards.
Fictional nominees. Painfully familiar behaviour.
No real people were nominated in the making of this nonsense.
⚑
SERVICES TO BAD PARKINGTwo-space Terry
One hatchback. Two parking bays. The confidence of a man landing a private jet.
NOT EVEN A BIG CAR.
★
THE MEETING THAT COULD BE AN EMAILCircle-back Colin
Booked an hour to ask if everyone received the email about booking an hour.
LET'S TAKE THIS OFFLINE.
Field note #004If you say “I'm just brutally honest”, and nobody asked, the meter is already warming up.
04 / TODAY'S MORAL CRISIS
The daily verdict.
A new dilemma each day. Cast your own verdict.
Your vote is saved on this device only. This is a daily opinion prompt; there are no public vote totals.
05 / MAKE IT OFFICIALLY UNOFFICIAL
Put it in writing.
For yourself or a consenting mate. Display with pride, regret, or a very cheap frame.
Print dialogue also lets you save a PDF.
THE INSTITUTE OF QUESTIONABLE BEHAVIOUR
✦
Certificate of
Twattitude
This entirely unofficial document certifies that
A highly questionable individualhas achieved the distinguished rank of
Decent eggTHE QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS DEPARTMENT
Everyday Nonsense — Gifts
Playful mugs, totes, desk companions and more, inspired by everyday nonsense and the fine art of keeping your sense of humour.
A little nonsense for the everyday.
For friends, colleagues or anyone whose patience deserves its own measuring scale.
Visit the REALLYBYTE store ↗Product options, prices and availability appear below. Checkout is handled securely by Shopify.
Loading the gift collection… If it does not appear, use the main store link above.
THE CORRESPONDENCE DEPARTMENT
Questions, corrections or a store enquiry?
TwatMeter is an independent comedy project from REALLYBYTE. For an order enquiry, include your order number.
info@reallybyte.comAbout this deeply unserious establishment
TwatMeter is an independent comedy website about the little habits that make us all a bit unbearable. The scores are invented, the award characters are fictional, and none of this is a personality assessment. Keep the joke friendly; don't use certificates to bully or humiliate people.
Privacy & local data
Your quiz answers and certificate name stay in this browser and are not sent to us. Daily votes use local storage on your device. No advertising scripts, affiliate links or visit counters are included in this build. The gifts section loads Shopify’s Buy Button script to display products. Shopify may process connection information and use cookies or similar technology under its own privacy policies. Shopify handles checkout and store orders. Hosting providers may process ordinary request logs.